Honestly, i never thought our love would just stop. I was on cloud nine for eleven
god damn months. Yes. We fought. We didn’t always get along, but then. ohh. yes. you cheated on me. i thought i was special up until that moment. after that, i felt like the lowest piece of shit that couldn’t keep the interest of the boy i loved. I blamed your cheating on myself, i made an excuse saying i wouldn’t fight with you and i would make sure to be attentive and a good girlfriend. damn. that wasn’t enough. four weeks later, you ended it because i went to a boys house. because you wouldn’t be home. I was in shock. you ended it. i was biter, but i still cared. i tried to be angry. it was a better way to control my longing for you. but once i saw that cigarette lit upon your beautiful mouth, i broke. that wasn’t you. and you weren’t mine. you said you would stop. after you saw the tears run down my face. you said it was okay, that you would throw them away. i believed you. until i was told otherwise. you never stopped. two and a half weeks after you broke up with me, you text me the day on which would’ve beenour one year, almost begging me to see you. i put up a long front. that i couldn’t see you, but i crumbled. i went to you. and later, i got back with you. i had (have) trust issues. security issues. I’m not going to lie. we were good. you were good. until i started seeing the loss of interest 6 months later. when you told me you wouldn’t stay with me if i went away for school. that it would be over. i saw the way you looked at her. the way you text her more then me. you said its because you hated texting me. you saw me all the time anyways. i didn’t want to do it again. i trusted that she was just someone you could talk to. but when i saw the way you talked, coordinated your clothing to match, looked at each other, i knew what was happening. i tried to protect myself. so i ended it. a month after i saw it crashing before my delicate eyes. the eyes you ruined and the eyes that will never quite smile the way they used to. i was never jealous, not until you cheated. i was never scared, or felt so hideous. but i did. afterwards. my conformation was right. you slept with her. and not in the most innocent way possible. the kind that makes or breaks bonds. you had the nerve to look me in the eyes and ask me if i was seeing someone else, because if i was, it hurt. i didn’t know. i was told. i was furious. i confronted you. you told me now wasn’t the place. i asked you when would be? when you had me in your bed, weak and scared, even sad and wanting? you ignored that. i had venom dripping with my voice, if a voice could kill, you’d be dead from the acidly tone i threw upon you. but voices can’t kill. and you’re still alive. you slept with her while we talked about getting together. you say i lead you on, but honey, you’ve done me wrong too. but the idiot girl, myself, still wanted you. but then you found yet another. someone else to be with. so i told you to leave then. you knew i didn’t mean it, but if you left, i feel like this whole thing could’ve been easier. but since when does life want to kiss someone with easiness? now i lay awake at night and wonder. was the boy that broke me worth the moments of happiness i had? i don’t know. and quite frankly. i don’t think i ever will.