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pink-vulva:

reasons i want to look GOOD <3

  • for myself
  • for myself
  • to plant the seed of envy in other bitch’s hearts
  • for myself

(via sh3ratch3t)

I’m not going to say i never fucked up. I’m not going to say im even close to perfect, but i will say that i have regrets and not everything i did was what i wanted at that time. 

keikastrife:

chefabheek:

sk-raveness:

drucila616:

How Do Court Reporters Keep Straight Faces?These are from a book called Disorder in the Courts and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while the exchanges were taking place.ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?WITNESS: He said, ‘Where am I, Cathy?’ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?WITNESS: My name is Susan!_______________________________ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.____________________________________________ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?WITNESS: No, I just lie there.____________________________________________ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?WITNESS: July 18th.ATTORNEY: What year?WITNESS: Every year._____________________________________ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can’t remember which.ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?WITNESS: Forty-five years._________________________________ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?WITNESS: Yes.ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?WITNESS: I forget..ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?___________________________________________ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn’t it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn’t know about it until the next morning?WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?____________________________________ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?WITNESS: He’s 20, much like your IQ.___________________________________________ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?WITNESS: Are you shitting me?_________________________________________ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?WITNESS: Yes.ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?WITNESS: Getting laid____________________________________________ATTORNEY: She had three children , right?WITNESS: Yes.ATTORNEY: How many were boys?WITNESS: None.ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?____________________________________________ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?WITNESS: By death..ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?WITNESS: Take a guess.___________________________________________ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beardATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I’m going with male._____________________________________ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.______________________________________ATTORNEY: Doctor , how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight._________________________________________ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?WITNESS: Oral…_________________________________________ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PMATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.____________________________________________ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question?______________________________________And last:ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?WITNESS: No.ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?WITNESS: No.ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?WITNESS: No..ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?WITNESS: No.ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

Reblogging because there are some sassy little shits out there.

Lawcase B)

We really do have to keep straight faces, too. Apparently if we laugh or grin or roll our eyes or anything else it could be seen as a gesture of the court to discredit a witness (could come up on appeal, as I understand it.) Lawyers can do that stuff but not court reporters. :x

keikastrife:

chefabheek:

sk-raveness:

drucila616:

How Do Court Reporters Keep Straight Faces?

These are from a book called Disorder in the Courts and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while the exchanges were taking place.

ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said, ‘Where am I, Cathy?’
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan!
_______________________________
ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?
WITNESS: July 18th.
ATTORNEY: What year?
WITNESS: Every year.
_____________________________________
ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?
WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can’t remember which.
ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?
WITNESS: Forty-five years.
_________________________________
ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget..
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
___________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn’t it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn’t know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
____________________________________

ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: He’s 20, much like your IQ.
___________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Are you shitting me?
_________________________________________
ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Getting laid
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: She had three children , right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death..
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Take a guess.
___________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I’m going with male.
_____________________________________
ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Doctor , how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight.
_________________________________________
ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral…
_________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PM
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question?

______________________________________
And last:

ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No..
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

Reblogging because there are some sassy little shits out there.

Lawcase B)

We really do have to keep straight faces, too. Apparently if we laugh or grin or roll our eyes or anything else it could be seen as a gesture of the court to discredit a witness (could come up on appeal, as I understand it.) Lawyers can do that stuff but not court reporters. :x

(Source: pandaaamonium14, via knightutena)


im in toronto in love w this city

im in toronto
in love w this city

(Source: 1-800-go-fuckyourself, via sh3ratch3t)

*2

My Story

Honestly, i never thought our love would just stop. I was on cloud nine for eleven god damn months. Yes. We fought. We didn’t always get along, but then. ohh. yes. you cheated on me. i thought i was special up until that moment. after that, i felt like the lowest piece of shit that couldn’t keep the interest of the boy i loved. I blamed your cheating on myself, i made an excuse saying i wouldn’t fight with you and i would make sure to be attentive and a good girlfriend. damn. that wasn’t enough. four weeks later, you ended it because i went to a boys house. because you wouldn’t be home. I was in shock. you ended it. i was biter, but i still cared. i tried to be angry. it was a better way to control my longing for you. but once i saw that cigarette lit upon your beautiful mouth, i broke. that wasn’t you. and you weren’t mine. you said you would stop. after you saw the tears run down my face. you said it was okay, that you would throw them away. i believed you. until i was told otherwise. you never stopped. two and a half weeks after you broke up with me, you text me the day on which would’ve beenour one year, almost begging me to see you. i put up a long front. that i couldn’t see you, but i crumbled. i went to you. and later, i got back with you. i had (have) trust issues. security issues. I’m not going to lie. we were good. you were good. until i started seeing the loss of interest 6 months later. when you told me you wouldn’t stay with me if i went away for school. that it would be over. i saw the way you looked at her. the way you text her more then me. you said its because you hated texting me. you saw me all the time anyways. i didn’t want to do it again. i trusted that she was just someone you could talk to. but when i saw the way you talked, coordinated your clothing to match, looked at each other, i knew what was happening. i tried to protect myself. so i ended it. a month after i saw it crashing before my delicate eyes. the eyes you ruined and the eyes that will never quite smile the way they used to. i was never jealous, not until you cheated. i was never scared, or felt so hideous. but i did. afterwards. my conformation was right. you slept with her. and not in the most innocent way possible. the kind that makes or breaks bonds. you had the nerve to look me in the eyes and ask me if i was seeing someone else, because if i was, it hurt. i didn’t know. i was told. i was furious. i confronted you. you told me now wasn’t the place. i asked you when would be? when you had me in your bed, weak and scared, even sad and wanting? you ignored that. i had venom dripping with my voice, if a voice could kill, you’d be dead from the acidly tone i threw upon you. but voices can’t kill. and you’re still alive. you slept with her while we talked about getting together. you say i lead you on, but honey, you’ve done me wrong too. but the idiot girl, myself, still wanted you. but then you found yet another. someone else to be with. so i told you to leave then. you knew i didn’t mean it, but if you left, i feel like this whole thing could’ve been easier. but since when does life want to kiss someone with easiness? now i lay awake at night and wonder. was the boy that broke me worth the moments of happiness i had? i don’t know. and quite frankly. i don’t think i ever will. 

micklovich:

this is the single most pretentious thing ive ever seen in my life im gonna vomit

(Source: anselgifs, via impatience-child)

sometimesyoureyoung:

spoken-not-written:

the next time you think you’re lonely, just remember you have about 25 billion white blood cells in your body protecting your sorry little ass with their life. you have 25 billion friends who would die for you. no need for tears.

I actually needed that. 

(via impatience-child)

*68

"

I can’t pin down the exact moment I began to notice the changes in your body when mine would move in a way you weren’t expecting; if we were with coworkers, the way your fingers would curl in on the tabletop of a TGI Friday’s because you were afraid our skin might touch, when I was only reaching for the salt. But later that night you’d twist your fingers in mine as you bent me over a desk, tucked away in the darkness of your bedroom.

I’d say to friends you weren’t ready—it was a jagged little breakup, the kind that needed time. When in all honesty, your time had expired a year and half ago over drinks and you told me she had left you nine months before a little bled-out. Or when you told me I was the first person you thought of on the mornings you’d wake up with a tight chest to try and help you find your air supply again. It certainly expired a year ago when you started screwing me on our lunch breaks in your car.

But that’s okay because now I know better. I know I won’t find myself in a crumbling person because all they carry inside of them are fragments of themselves stained with the blood of those who first broke them. So go on, go out and find yourself a beautiful redhead like the ones you’re always dreaming of. I hope that by her virtue she has the patience to piece you back together the way you’ve always wanted someone to, but I hope you know that no one, not even that flare of a woman is going to fuck the sadness out of you.

"

17bits - Story Fragments: i (via 17erised)

(via suicidalpudge)

(Source: yaraitzel9, via screamingsadness)